Lost Lately

Was a long day at work today, really gets me thinking how long i can take this i know i am capable of probably 3 times the work physically, but mentally i have never tested my self in this direction, the stress of trying to start a life with the one i love and take that first step, it feels as though if i do take this step i will have so much to lose. but never the less i am going to make it so i guess i will just not blink while taking the step lol. I guess i always knew i would need and want a life partner that's a fact, i wouldn't miss that for the world in my heart i feel a strong want to love someone passionate  and the one i found is very unique she surprises me every day she is very strong and passionate herself, but regardless of that fact i guess i always envisioned myself living the lifestyle of a bachelor. Then combining that with that evil place, Walmart its pathetic really how willing they are to trick needy people into pursuing a career with them. I don't like the idea of eventually needing help i would like the opportunity to provide for Chelsea and I i feel a need to earn a place in this world a simple place nothing extravagant but enough to survive, but i know in this economy i am going to need help somehow. I guess that's why men come across and prideful and i should probably shun this feeling and just pre-pair myself for the inevitable. Regardless though i sort of want to hold onto this supposed pride, i think if i do finally secure "means of living" for me and Chelsea remembering the feelings of this struggle of not wanting help will pay off in understanding how my children will feel at this age.